Matthew Bydalek - Sarcasm for Babies

I've got to go!

2008-10-05T13:30:00.001-07:00

Mommy always tells me
To warn her in advance
When I get the feeling
I'm going to mess my pants.

So I tell her I have something
I think she needs to know.
She listens as I tell her
In a voice quiet and low.

She smiles as she asks me
How soon I'll need to go
I look up and I tell her
"About five minutes ago!"

To purchase items with this poem, please visit http://www.cafepress.com/mbydalek/6226187

Hope I get some cake

2008-06-26T10:32:00.001-07:00

This piece was written for my little Niece, Hope. She may be the only person in this world who enjoys cake as much as I do......

Whether from a bakery
Or baked up from a mix.
When I get the hankering,
I gotta have a fix

Sometimes it is yellow.
Other times it’s white.
And whenever it is chocolate,
I have to take a bite

So even if you hide it
At the bottom of a lake,
You’re never going to stop me.
I’m going to get your cake!

Baby Talk

2008-06-18T14:58:00.001-07:00

I’m little baby cries-a-lot
And I’ve got lots to say.
I don’t have any words yet,
So I speak another way.

I cry when I am hungry
And burp when I am through.
When I want attention,
I may spit up on you.

So you better pay attention,
And tell me I look cute
Or when you least expect it,
I’ll give a little toot!

To purchase items with this poem, please visit http://www.cafepress.com/mbydalek/6223013

Humility

2008-06-10T05:27:00.000-07:00

I used to claim without hesitation

That I was worthy of adulation.

But through the years I’ve learned a lot

About who I am and who I’m not

For I used to think that I was great……

Boy, I sure could understate!

To purchase items with this poem, please visit http://www.cafepress.com/mbydalek/6222941

Elevators

2008-05-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

I like to think of escalators

As simply stairs for couch potaters

Little Jackson Nosleep

2008-05-20T19:54:00.001-07:00

I’ve got a little story

If your sure you want to hear.

It’s the tale of Jackson Nosleep

And it happened right near here.

Now Jackson was a little boy

Who wouldn’t go to bed

He’d think of everything to do

To stay awake instead.

He’d stay awake by dancing

Or by rolling on the floor.

But his parents shook their heads

As they pointed to his door.

So he went into his room

And sat down on his bed.

While thoughts of how to stay awake

Were dancing through his head.

He pulled out all his toys

And made a terrible mess.

Would all his toys keep him awake?

The answer must be yes!

His mind began to wander

And turn to softer things.

Like clouds and cotton candy

And the lullaby Mom sings.

He thought of all his teddy bears

And wooly, fuzzy sheep.

Soon Jackson Nosleep closed his eyes

And drifted off to sleep.

Car Seat

2008-05-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

I love my little car seat

Though it doesn’t smell too nice.

I’ve done so many things there,

I even pooped there twice.

It takes me to my Grandma’s house

And sometimes to the zoo

Everyplace that I go,

My car seat goes there too.

Underwear

2008-05-19T20:17:00.000-07:00

I love my underwear.

I wear it under there.

Even though there’s one of them,

They call each one a pair.

They come in many colors.

We buy them in our town.

The only color I don’t want

Are undies colored brown.

To purchase items with this poem, please visit http://www.cafepress.com/mbydalek/5656581

My Fly

2008-05-19T20:14:00.001-07:00

They call the thing a fly.

Don’t know the reason why.

But every time I leave it down

My mother screams “Oh My!”

So I zip myself back up

As I tell my mother “Geez”,

Why can’t I just leave it down?

I really like the breeze.

To purchase items with this poem, please visit http://www.cafepress.com/mbydalek/5655413

No Pickety

2008-05-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Every time I pick my nose

My Mommy says “no pickety!”

If I spread those germs around

We all could get quite sickety

So I take my fingers out right away

And ask her for a tissue.

Then while she’s wiping off my nose

I think “Oh pickety, I miss you!”

To purchase items with this poem, please visit http://www.cafepress.com/mbydalek/5655329