Welcome to my odd little world
Hello and welcome to my collection of odd and ofttimes irreverent musings. To better understand where these oddities come from, let me introduce my professional and accomplished staff.
Jackson - At 4 years old, he provides my material and does field research on most of my off color subjects. He has expert skills in potty humor, digestive anomolies, and most bodily noises.
Christian - One of my twin 3 year olds, he leads my focus groups. Fortunately, he laughs at everything as long as I am making faces while I present it.
Laina - She is the other twin 3 year old and may be a mole in our organization. Most of her time is spent trying to destroy all original copies of my work by either eating the original documents or by dragging my computer off the desk and using it as a trampoline.
Sydney - She is our gorgeous little newborn intern. After her internship, she will become VP of Human Resources.
Chelsea - AKA - Little Brown Dog - Although she has been a part of the organization since day 1, her role has seemed to evolve into lab guinea pig. I am not sure why there would be animal experimatation going on in a poetry outfit, but the rest of the staff seems to find this to ba crucial part of daily operations
Sunday, October 5, 2008
I've got to go!
To warn her in advance
When I get the feeling
I'm going to mess my pants.
So I tell her I have something
I think she needs to know.
She listens as I tell her
In a voice quiet and low.
She smiles as she asks me
How soon I'll need to go
I look up and I tell her
"About five minutes ago!"
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Thursday, June 26, 2008
Hope I get some cake
Whether from a bakery
Or baked up from a mix.
When I get the hankering,
I gotta have a fix
Sometimes it is yellow.
Other times it’s white.
And whenever it is chocolate,
I have to take a bite
So even if you hide it
At the bottom of a lake,
You’re never going to stop me.
I’m going to get your cake!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Baby Talk
And I’ve got lots to say.
I don’t have any words yet,
So I speak another way.
I cry when I am hungry
And burp when I am through.
When I want attention,
I may spit up on you.
So you better pay attention,
And tell me I look cute
Or when you least expect it,
I’ll give a little toot!
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Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Humility
I used to claim without hesitation
That I was worthy of adulation.
But through the years I’ve learned a lot
About who I am and who I’m not
For I used to think that I was great……
Boy, I sure could understate!
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Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Little Jackson Nosleep
I’ve got a little story
If your sure you want to hear.
It’s the tale of Jackson Nosleep
And it happened right near here.
Now Jackson was a little boy
Who wouldn’t go to bed
He’d think of everything to do
To stay awake instead.
He’d stay awake by dancing
Or by rolling on the floor.
But his parents shook their heads
As they pointed to his door.
So he went into his room
And sat down on his bed.
While thoughts of how to stay awake
Were dancing through his head.
He pulled out all his toys
And made a terrible mess.
Would all his toys keep him awake?
The answer must be yes!
His mind began to wander
And turn to softer things.
Like clouds and cotton candy
And the lullaby Mom sings.
He thought of all his teddy bears
And wooly, fuzzy sheep.
Soon Jackson Nosleep closed his eyes
And drifted off to sleep.
Car Seat
I love my little car seat
Though it doesn’t smell too nice.
I’ve done so many things there,
I even pooped there twice.
It takes me to my Grandma’s house
And sometimes to the zoo
Everyplace that I go,
My car seat goes there too.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Underwear
I love my underwear.
I wear it under there.
Even though there’s one of them,
They call each one a pair.
They come in many colors.
We buy them in our town.
The only color I don’t want
Are undies colored brown.
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My Fly
They call the thing a fly.
Don’t know the reason why.
But every time I leave it down
My mother screams “Oh My!”
So I zip myself back up
As I tell my mother “Geez”,
Why can’t I just leave it down?
I really like the breeze.
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No Pickety
Every time I pick my nose
My Mommy says “no pickety!”
If I spread those germs around
We all could get quite sickety
So I take my fingers out right away
And ask her for a tissue.
Then while she’s wiping off my nose
I think “Oh pickety, I miss you!”
To purchase items with this poem, please visit http://www.cafepress.com/mbydalek/5655329